{"id":54172,"title":"Post-Christmas interview with Santa","description":"A post-Christmas podcast interview with Santa that starts polite, gets uncomfortable, and ends exactly how modern Christmas feels: receipts, socks, and quiet despair.","content":"

We interviewed Santa on the 26th of December<\/h3>

\"mxbt2u9bdix9phubxxe8tptzpzstkb229pq1onz0wjeivwzi.jpg.jpg?w=1140&project=absurd-society-416020&v=2\"We didn\u2019t travel to the North Pole for journalism. We were there because Ryanair had a pricing glitch (it was cheaper than a return to Manchester) and because, frankly, we thought Santa might be calmer on the 26th December.<\/p>

When we land, the cold is aggressive in a way that feels personal,<\/em> the kind that gets into your bones and stays, and everything outside is white, silent, and deceptively calm, like a desktop background<\/em> chosen by someone who doesn\u2019t live here.<\/p>

Santa\u2019s house, or factory, or compound (it\u2019s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins) is anything but calm: wrapping paper draped over railings like festive crime-scene tape, toys abandoned mid-assembly, glitter everywhere, despite a handwritten sign that says NO GLITTER THIS YEAR!!!<\/strong> Elves move past us carrying clipboards, broken drones, something that might be a doll but could also be a weapon. No one makes eye contact.<\/p>

Two elves, clearly running on fumes, lead us down a corridor that smells like cinnamon, sweat and mild panic. One of them yawns so deeply we worry he might fall into himself.<\/p>

Santa\u2019s office is surprisingly normal<\/em>. Wooden desk. Filing cabinets. A small tree that\u2019s clearly decorative now rather than festive. On one side of the room there\u2019s a large, unsorted pile of envelopes labelled IMPORTANT: SORT AFTER CHRISTMAS.<\/p>

He\u2019s still in the suit, beard slightly off-centre, eyes puffy, smiling with the determination of a man who has decided smiling is non-negotiable.<\/p>

\u201cLovely to have you<\/em>,\u201d he says, kicking some wrapping paper away from a chair. \u201cSorry about the mess. Yesterday it was\u2026 a lot.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>First of all, congrats. You did it. Again.<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Thank you, yes, it went well, very well considering the scale, all deliveries done, timelines met, only a few misunderstandings, which is honestly impressive given how many people there are now, they keep adding more every year.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> You say \u201cmisunderstandings\u201d like that\u2019s normal.<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Oh it is, very normal, people ask for things thinking they know what they want, and then Christmas morning arrives and suddenly it\u2019s \u201coh,\u201d and that \u201coh\u201d is my problem.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Ah, yeah, that tracks. Is that when people start\u2026 finding you?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> That\u2019s when they really start, emails, DMs, comments, people tagging me like I\u2019m customer support, lots of \u201cjust checking\u201d and \u201cquick question,\u201d which are never quick.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> No, they never are. So, walk us through the night itself. How does it feel once you\u2019re in it?<\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Oh, lovely at the start, always lovely at the start, everyone\u2019s asleep, hope is very quiet then, and then around 2am it becomes operational, precise, very \u201cwhy is this address written like a riddle,\u201d and by the end you\u2019re delivering things you don\u2019t remember agreeing to but are definitely in your handwriting.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> And do you\u2014 I mean\u2014do you still enjoy it?<\/em><\/p>

(Santa pauses, just long enough to register as a pause, not long enough to be alarming)<\/p>

Santa: <\/em><\/strong>I enjoy doing it properly, I enjoy knowing it\u2019s been done properly, that people wake up and there\u2019s a sense that something happened, that effort was made, that care existed somewhere, yes, I enjoy that part very much.<\/em><\/p>

(That was not quite an answer.)<\/p>

\u201cDonald Trump asked for power. He got socks.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Fair enough.People still write letters, though? Or has that mostly\u2026 evolved?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Oh yes, absolutely, just fewer of them are handwritten, people write like they\u2019re negotiating with destiny, very specific fonts of hope, very clear instructions. Many come with attachments now, links, screenshots, mood boards, sometimes spreadsheets, which is impressive in its own way but also slightly worrying.<\/em><\/p>

(We nod, unsure why.)<\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Spreadsheets is\u2026 alarming. And you actually read all of them?<\/em><\/p>

Santa: <\/strong>Every single one, letters, emails, DMs, comments, people tag me now, which I don\u2019t appreciate. Voice notes once, never again. And usually I don\u2019t read the comments, people are very confident behind screens and they\u2019ll say things like \u201csurprise me\u201d and then be upset that surprise doesn\u2019t align with the version they rehearsed in their head for three weeks.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Mm. So would you say Christmas itself has changed, or is it more\u2026 people?<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Christmas hasn\u2019t changed, people have, Christmas is still lights and trees and panic and love and unresolved family dynamics wrapped in paper, but now everyone wants tracking, they want updates, they want reassurance that magic is on schedule and arrives between 10:14 and 10:22.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> I guess social media make this harder, because everyone\u2019s watching everyone else now...<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Yes, because now everyone is watching everyone else open things, comparing reactions, comparing boxes, comparing how grateful they look, someone didn\u2019t cry enough, someone cried too much, someone posted \u201cexpectations vs reality\u201d and suddenly I\u2019m tagged.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>Is that where influencers come in?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Influencers are fascinating because they ask for \u201csomething meaningful\u201d and then ask if it comes in beige, they want authenticity but also an affiliate link. I give them ring lights, planners, hoodies that say \u201c6 7\u201d which apparently means something, and they still look disappointed. They want gifts that look accidental. \u201cOh this? I just happened to get it.\u201d You didn\u2019t just happen to get it. You sent me SEVENTEEN emails.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Sure. That must ripple out into families as well...<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Oh absolutely, I get the follow-ups, \u201cthank you for the gift, unfortunately it has reopened a conversation we weren\u2019t ready to have,\u201d I\u2019m not delivering objects, I\u2019m delivering catalysts, half the time I\u2019m just accelerating things that were going to happen anyway.<\/em><\/p>

\u201cI\u2019m not delivering objects. I\u2019m delivering catalysts.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> You mentioned paperwork earlier, almost casually, which feels\u2026 ominous.<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Yes. That\u2019s the part people forget. Christmas is one night. Accounting is forever.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> You handle all that yourself?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Of course. I\u2019m a sole trader. Do you know how hard it is to explain a global overnight delivery operation to an online self-assessment form.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>Honestly? No.<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> It asks if I worked from home. I don\u2019t even know how to answer that.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>Let's change the subject. What\u2019s been the hardest part this year?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> People filming the opening. The pause before they react. That pause is violence.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Sorry\u2014violence?<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Because they\u2019re deciding whether to be grateful or interesting.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> And when they don\u2019t like it?<\/em><\/p>

Santa: <\/strong>They say \u201cstill blessed\u201d. Which is nothing. That\u2019s nothing.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Parents must play a role in that...<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: HA! The parents, oh my god, the parents! Filming everything, standing there like documentary filmmakers, waiting to see if the child reacts correctly. You can feel the pressure. I\u2019m delivering gifts and simultaneously ruining Christmas if the unboxing isn\u2019t viral enough.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> What was the most common thing people asked for this year?<\/p>

Santa: <\/strong>Peace. Sleep. A break. That kind of thing. Very vague. Very unwrappable. After that, money, but politely. No one says money anymore, they say \u201coptions\u201d or \u201cfreedom\u201d. And then something small they can control, like candles. Everyone wants candles. I don\u2019t know why. Maybe they think if the house smells right, everything else will follow.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/em><\/strong>And the ones who behave well but don\u2019t get everything?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Welcome to adulthood. That\u2019s the lesson. You do your best, you follow the rules, and still something\u2019s missing. Merry Christmas.<\/em><\/p>

(We immediately regret how quiet that room gets.)<\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>On the other side of that, what about people who behave badly and still get everything they asked for?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Oh that happens all the time. Behaviour has never been the filter. Logistics wins. Always. Morality doesn\u2019t scale well. Warehouses do.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Interesting. And what\u2019s the weirdest thing someone asked for this year?<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Someone asked for closure. Not a thing. Can\u2019t wrap it. Another asked for \u201cless\u201d. I stared at that letter for a long time.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Did you give them \u201cless\u201d?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> I gave them socks. It felt right.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>We have to ask. What did Donald Trump ask for?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Power.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> And what did he get?<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Socks. With penguins drawings.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>I assume most politicians got-<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Yes. Socks.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> You give a lot of socks!<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Underrated gift. No one\u2019s ever angry about socks long-term. Disappointed, yes. Furious, no. That\u2019s the sweet spot.<\/em><\/p>

\u201cI suggested once, just once, fewer presents, maybe one meaningful thing per household\u2026, and immediately someone asked if it came in different colours and sizes and whether it could be exchanged\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Regarding travelling the world, how do you even handle summer Christmas? Southern Hemisphere and all that.<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Badly. Very badly. I\u2019m dressed for snow, landing in 35 degrees, pretending this makes sense. People are having barbecues. There\u2019s no atmosphere, and a lot of mosquitoes.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>That sounds tough. Any plans to modernise?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> I tried. Added a QR code once. Ruined the vibe. Never again.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> One thing we\u2019ve always wondered. The chimneys. Most people don\u2019t even have them anymore. Why stick with that?<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Honestly, I don\u2019t remember how it started. One year there were chimneys, the next year everyone expected chimneys, and now here we are. If I stopped using them people would ask questions, and I don\u2019t have answers, so I just keep climbing.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Have you ever\u2014Actually, hang on\u2014have you ever thought about stopping?<\/em><\/p>

Santa: <\/strong>Stopping? No. Reducing? Constantly. I suggested once, just once, fewer presents, maybe one meaningful thing per household, something symbolic, something grounding, and immediately someone asked if it came in different colours and sizes and whether it could be exchanged.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> So that died quickly.<\/em><\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Someone asked if it could be customised, upgraded, returned, and whether it would still feel \u201cspecial,\u201d and that\u2019s when I realised the issue isn\u2019t Christmas, it\u2019s expectation.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>At least, do people ever actually say thank you?<\/em><\/p>

Santa<\/strong>: Children say thank you. Adults say \u201cinteresting choice.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> Ouch.<\/em><\/p>

Santa: <\/strong>It is. \u201cInteresting\u201d is what people say when they\u2019re trying to work out who to blame.<\/em><\/p>

Absurd Society:<\/strong> So after carrying that every year, just a final question from us. What would you like for Christmas?<\/em><\/p>

Santa leaned back, stared at the ceiling, and laughed in a way that suggested this question had already been discussed in court.<\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> I\u2019d like - <\/em>he said slowly - one year where people want fewer things and feel slightly more normal about it.<\/em><\/p>

He looked at us.<\/p>

Absurd Society: <\/strong>So obviously that\u2019s not happening.<\/p>

An elf poked their head in and whispered something about a missing receipt from 2007.<\/p>

Santa closed his laptop.<\/p>

Santa:<\/strong> Right. If you\u2019ll excuse me, I have to explain to an accountant why a sleigh counts as a business expense<\/em><\/p>

We left quietly.Outside, it was still snowing.Inside, Santa was googling \"how long should you keep receipts if you\u2019re eternal<\/em>\".<\/p>

Halfway home, something tapped from inside our luggage. A hidden elf asked, very politely, if he could come home with us.<\/p>

He said he\u2019d go back next Christmas.<\/p>

Probably.<\/p>","urlTitle":"post-christmas-interview-with-santa","url":"\/blog\/post-christmas-interview-with-santa\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/post-christmas-interview-with-santa\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/absurdsociety.fun\/blog\/post-christmas-interview-with-santa\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1767006143,"updatedAt":1767009234,"publishedAt":1767009234,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":405845,"name":"Absurd Society"},"tags":[{"id":4320,"code":"blog","name":"Blog","url":"\/blog\/tagged\/blog\/"}],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/ugwqvyllu1dz6hb7n5dbpxvghoje0gz0vtyxmbjxhmvxvsy9.jpeg","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/ugwqvyllu1dz6hb7n5dbpxvghoje0gz0vtyxmbjxhmvxvsy9.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/ugwqvyllu1dz6hb7n5dbpxvghoje0gz0vtyxmbjxhmvxvsy9.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"Post-Christmas Interview with Santa","metaDescription":"A darkly funny post-Christmas interview with Santa Claus on burnout, socks, disappointment, and why Christmas never really ends.","keyPhraseCampaignId":null,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":53342,"title":"Why our Tees cost more than your latte","url":"\/blog\/dear-too-expensive-people\/","urlTitle":"dear-too-expensive-people","division":405845,"description":"Good quality, hilarious material you won\u2019t find anywhere else. And yes, it costs more than your flat white.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/vpolf72si3irkpvsmib067xhbygbgzpayfztspkwxct5toea.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/vpolf72si3irkpvsmib067xhbygbgzpayfztspkwxct5toea.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":51094,"title":"So Apparently We Have a Shop Now","url":"\/blog\/so-apparently-we-have-a-shop-now\/","urlTitle":"so-apparently-we-have-a-shop-now","division":405845,"description":"So Apparently We Have a Shop Now. We\u2019re not entirely sure how this happened either.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/w0nc3ybbxi7szutd8pvgwwcdqafyb3sls2tufme3vcjtx5og.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/w0nc3ybbxi7szutd8pvgwwcdqafyb3sls2tufme3vcjtx5og.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":53829,"title":"How We Accidentally Became \u2018Christmas Content Creators\u2019 (Against Our Will)","url":"\/blog\/how-we-accidentally-became-christmas-content-creators-against-our-will\/","urlTitle":"how-we-accidentally-became-christmas-content-creators-against-our-will","division":405845,"description":"We never meant to become \u201cwriters,\u201d yet here we are: published on Bored Panda and Vocal Media because Christmas spiralled into absurdity. A festive tale of chaos, unsolicited creativity, and jumpers no sane person asked for.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/ajevomxyd1cid8xysghlwtztpe8h6v2kzcv0cym5bqf1vs8o.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855&z=1.2&fx=0.47809788056418&fy=0.58333333333333","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/ajevomxyd1cid8xysghlwtztpe8h6v2kzcv0cym5bqf1vs8o.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440&z=1.2&fx=0.47809788056418&fy=0.58333333333333"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}