{"id":52978,"title":"Donald Trump Just Banned Halloween","description":"In his boldest move yet, Trump has declared Halloween \u201cun-American.\u201d Ghosts, witches and skeletons now classified as radical left imagery.","content":"

\ud83d\uddd3\ufe0f 28th October 2025<\/p>

Bye bye Halloween<\/h2>

Dear America, Apparently, Donald Trump has banned Halloween.<\/strong><\/p>

Yes, the Halloween. The one with sweets<\/strong>, costumes, and kids pretending to be dead inside, a tradition Americans have celebrated since they first realised horror movies were cheaper than therapy<\/em>.<\/p>

\ud83c\udfa9 The Official Reason<\/h3>

According to our absolutely reliable sources, Trump declared Halloween a threat to national security. His reasoning?<\/p>

\u201cToo many masks. Too much socialism. Too few people dressing as me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

He reportedly plans to replace it with a new holiday called Patriotmas<\/strong>, where everyone dresses as their favourite billionaire and throws candy at the poor.<\/p>

\ud83c\udf6c The Real Scandal<\/h3>

Supermarkets are already replacing pumpkins<\/strong> with portraits of Trump carved into oranges.<\/p>

Children are confused. Witches are unionising. Someone tried to hand out sugar-free Brexit bars.<\/p>

Meanwhile, a small cult in Texas has started trick-or-treating for NFTs<\/em>.<\/p>

\ud83d\udc55 Our Response: We\u2019re Launching a new Tee<\/h3>

To show solidarity with the ghosts, ghouls, and confused skeletons of America<\/em>, we\u2019ve released<\/strong> a limited tee<\/strong>:<\/p>

\u201cMAKE HALLOWEEN GREAT AGAIN (but not like that)\u201d<\/strong><\/p>

\"rkqs1t914gn2bxm0bv2kafl325dye2jir8zvztzh6sp9ovfa.jpeg.jpeg?w=1140&z=1.2000000000000002&fx=0.47326281015254634&fy=0.4166666666666666&v=2\"<\/p><\/blockquote>

Available now at our shop here<\/a>, no tariffs, no hauntings, just irony.<\/p>

\ud83d\udc80 Final Thought<\/h3>

Maybe Halloween was the last honest holiday.<\/p>

One night where everyone admits: \u201cYes, I\u2019m wearing a mask.\u201d<\/p>

And maybe that\u2019s why it had to go.<\/p>

Sleep tight, America. The scariest monster this year doesn\u2019t live under your bed<\/strong>, he\u2019s holding a press conference.<\/em><\/p>","urlTitle":"donald-trump-just-banned-halloween","url":"\/blog\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/absurdsociety.fun\/blog\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1761633109,"updatedAt":1761641466,"publishedAt":1761641466,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":405845,"name":"Absurd Society"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"Donald Trump bans Halloween","metaDescription":"Trump has apparently banned Halloween in the US, citing \u201cwitchcraft and poor costume quality.\u201d We investigate this terrifyingly stupid turn of events.","keyPhraseCampaignId":null,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":53366,"title":"I Feel Validated \ud83d\udc4d","url":"\/blog\/i-feel-validated\/","urlTitle":"i-feel-validated","division":405845,"description":"A TED Talk we never got invited to give, about being proud of ourselves (and our hoodies).","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/oe0ycktxffoehhupbnon61q7vtharm3jayykt7puljghywfa.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855&z=1.2&fx=0.52394903987799&fy=0.53608843846718","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/oe0ycktxffoehhupbnon61q7vtharm3jayykt7puljghywfa.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440&z=1.2&fx=0.52394903987799&fy=0.53608843846718"},"hidden":0},{"id":54111,"title":"We went to the Upside Down to interview Vecna","url":"\/blog\/we-went-to-the-upside-down-to-interview-vecna\/","urlTitle":"we-went-to-the-upside-down-to-interview-vecna","division":405845,"description":"We went to the Upside Down to interview Vecna.\nHe complained about Demogorgons as contractors, defended the thunder schedule, and explained why evil doesn\u2019t need diagrams.\nIt went exactly as badly as you\u2019d expect.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/z9sdyvkrkxaljwauc1rlkabdrzi3etmdmkf91xs9b5zv4jh5.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855&z=1.4&fx=0.51549863838104&fy=0.35714285714286","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/z9sdyvkrkxaljwauc1rlkabdrzi3etmdmkf91xs9b5zv4jh5.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440&z=1.4&fx=0.51549863838104&fy=0.35714285714286"},"hidden":0},{"id":51354,"title":"We Bought a Domain. Send Help","url":"\/blog\/we-bought-a-domain-send-help\/","urlTitle":"we-bought-a-domain-send-help","division":405845,"description":"Discover Absurd Society\u2019s official store. Shop funny t-shirts, quirky gifts, and absurd merch with fast shipping. New designs added weekly at absurdsociety.fun","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/v1p0xe0ym7nmezquceh8sqghknrljqohrlycffavlhveg5fs.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/v1p0xe0ym7nmezquceh8sqghknrljqohrlycffavlhveg5fs.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}