{"id":52978,"title":"Donald Trump Just Banned Halloween","description":"In his boldest move yet, Trump has declared Halloween \u201cun-American.\u201d Ghosts, witches and skeletons now classified as radical left imagery.","content":"

\ud83d\uddd3\ufe0f 28th October 2025<\/p>

Bye bye Halloween<\/h2>

Dear America, Apparently, Donald Trump has banned Halloween.<\/strong><\/p>

Yes, the Halloween. The one with sweets<\/strong>, costumes, and kids pretending to be dead inside, a tradition Americans have celebrated since they first realised horror movies were cheaper than therapy<\/em>.<\/p>

\ud83c\udfa9 The Official Reason<\/h3>

According to our absolutely reliable sources, Trump declared Halloween a threat to national security. His reasoning?<\/p>

\u201cToo many masks. Too much socialism. Too few people dressing as me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>

He reportedly plans to replace it with a new holiday called Patriotmas<\/strong>, where everyone dresses as their favourite billionaire and throws candy at the poor.<\/p>

\ud83c\udf6c The Real Scandal<\/h3>

Supermarkets are already replacing pumpkins<\/strong> with portraits of Trump carved into oranges.<\/p>

Children are confused. Witches are unionising. Someone tried to hand out sugar-free Brexit bars.<\/p>

Meanwhile, a small cult in Texas has started trick-or-treating for NFTs<\/em>.<\/p>

\ud83d\udc55 Our Response: We\u2019re Launching a new Tee<\/h3>

To show solidarity with the ghosts, ghouls, and confused skeletons of America<\/em>, we\u2019ve released<\/strong> a limited tee<\/strong>:<\/p>

\u201cMAKE HALLOWEEN GREAT AGAIN (but not like that)\u201d<\/strong><\/p>

\"rkqs1t914gn2bxm0bv2kafl325dye2jir8zvztzh6sp9ovfa.jpeg.jpeg?w=1140&z=1.2000000000000002&fx=0.47326281015254634&fy=0.4166666666666666&v=2\"<\/p><\/blockquote>

Available now at our shop here<\/a>, no tariffs, no hauntings, just irony.<\/p>

\ud83d\udc80 Final Thought<\/h3>

Maybe Halloween was the last honest holiday.<\/p>

One night where everyone admits: \u201cYes, I\u2019m wearing a mask.\u201d<\/p>

And maybe that\u2019s why it had to go.<\/p>

Sleep tight, America. The scariest monster this year doesn\u2019t live under your bed<\/strong>, he\u2019s holding a press conference.<\/em><\/p>","urlTitle":"donald-trump-just-banned-halloween","url":"\/blog\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/absurdsociety.fun\/blog\/donald-trump-just-banned-halloween\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1761633109,"updatedAt":1761641466,"publishedAt":1761641466,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":405845,"name":"Absurd Society"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/3q6uroa0pwtmnkteifqeqkndlqe171rtevn1at9bi58o5yjg.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"Donald Trump bans Halloween","metaDescription":"Trump has apparently banned Halloween in the US, citing \u201cwitchcraft and poor costume quality.\u201d We investigate this terrifyingly stupid turn of events.","keyPhraseCampaignId":null,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":52848,"title":"The Most Honest Brand on the Internet Breaks Its Silence","url":"\/blog\/were-still-here-absurd-unprofitable-unstoppable\/","urlTitle":"were-still-here-absurd-unprofitable-unstoppable","division":405845,"description":"Absurd Society pauses, reflects, and laughs at zero sales, chaos, and life. Honest, absurd, and still here \u2014 because pretending isn\u2019t our style.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/hzm9btfm75kmz99svjxow8jjv42w962d98vyohadta7dey1d.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/hzm9btfm75kmz99svjxow8jjv42w962d98vyohadta7dey1d.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":51094,"title":"So Apparently We Have a Shop Now","url":"\/blog\/so-apparently-we-have-a-shop-now\/","urlTitle":"so-apparently-we-have-a-shop-now","division":405845,"description":"So Apparently We Have a Shop Now. We\u2019re not entirely sure how this happened either.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/w0nc3ybbxi7szutd8pvgwwcdqafyb3sls2tufme3vcjtx5og.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/w0nc3ybbxi7szutd8pvgwwcdqafyb3sls2tufme3vcjtx5og.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":53342,"title":"Why our Tees cost more than your latte","url":"\/blog\/dear-too-expensive-people\/","urlTitle":"dear-too-expensive-people","division":405845,"description":"Good quality, hilarious material you won\u2019t find anywhere else. And yes, it costs more than your flat white.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/vpolf72si3irkpvsmib067xhbygbgzpayfztspkwxct5toea.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/vpolf72si3irkpvsmib067xhbygbgzpayfztspkwxct5toea.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}